Category: Film Reviews
Tags: johnny depp, keith richards, The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

The fourth instalment in the blockbuster series is a simpler, streamlined affair- but that’s not necessarily a good thing. The plot focuses on Jack Sparrow and incorporates several elements from Tim Powers’ excellent fantasy novel On Stranger Tides.

This time, Sparrow searches for the fountain of youth and makes an enemy of the legendary Blackbeard (Ian McShane: badass as always), reunites with Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and tries to rekindle his romance with an old flame who may or may not be Blackbeard’s daughter (Penelope Cruz in a substandard, embarrassing performance). Oh, and there are mermaids (don’t ask).

It’s all good fun, but nothing more. The script is a mess and the formula is definately wearing thin. There is clearly a mandate in these movies to have an action scene every 7 seconds or so, and it gets old quick. How many variations of people whacking eachother with swords can you do? Rob Marshall (Chicago) is no Spielberg and those scenes seem perfunctory. Also, I can’t believe I am writing this but I kinda miss Orlando Bloom. Well, not really, but him and Keira are not back, so we have to tolerate another stupid romance between some preacher- man missionary type (played by some dude who is an even worse actor than Orlando) and a mermaid (played by a supermodel with a fishtail). On the plus side, Keith Richards shows up once again for one scene and is cool- as- fuck, Depp is still a joy to watch (although he needs better material to work with), the mermaids are actually quite creepy and, well, you know, PIRATES!

If Hollywood wants to go on making Jack Sparrow movies, that’s fine by me. But the producers need to up their game here. They need a visionary behind the cameras. Somebody who understands this stuff.  In other worlds, they should grow some balls and give Terry Gilliam a call.

And for fucks sake, someone make a movie out of Tim Powers’ The Anubis Gates already.

(-Dimitris Kontogiannis-)

About the Author: CnB